Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Too much, Too Soon

Bob and I had been texting a few months ago but it just faded out. He sent me a message recently asking if I had forgotten his number. I wrote back and told him I hadn’t but he stopped texting me so I didn’t think he was interested anymore. He explained he was dating someone for awhile. We text for a few days and he finally asked me on a date.

We met on Sunday night at Jerry’s Bait Shop (one of my favorite bars) and had a few beers. Bob seemed like a nice guy, he was cute and tall, almost 6’4”. We had a good conversation. We were discussing our schedules. He works early and gets off around four. I go in late and don’t get home until about eight. As we’re discussing our schedules he says he can be at my house by 8:15 the next night to watch a movie. I was kind of taken off guard so I agreed.

He came over the next night, Monday, to watch a movie. He had mentioned that he was a little broke so that’s why we stayed in. We got along fine and shared a good night kiss. I was a little worried about a few things. He was jumping right in. He had a daughter and wasn’t sure if he wanted more kids. Heavy stuff for the first few dates but it came up so we discussed. Bob was always texting me good morning, pictures he had taken, asking how my day was. I thought it was sweet at first. We hang out another night that week.

On Friday, after work I was going out with coworkers. (which was a blast by the way) He text me that day and asked if I wanted to go Trick or Treating with him and his daughter. I gave a non committal answer. I was a little shocked by this. I thought it was way too soon for that. I don’t have kids but I think that’s a big step. That night I was out with my coworkers. He text me four times without me responding and posted on my Facebook six different comments. It was a bit excessive for an hour time frame.

By this point, I knew this was not going to work. Too much, too soon. Saturday he text me a few times and I text back. I wasn’t ready to deal with him just yet. Saturday night I was at a party and he text me a few times without me responding. Sunday comes around, he texts asking if I’m still interested. I text back and told him Friday freaked me out with all the texting, Facebook posting, and wanting me to meet his daughter. I told him I thought he was a nice guy but I didn’t think it was going to work long term. He was actually pretty cool about it, although a bit melodramatic. He had left some movies at my apartment so he wanted to come get them the next night. He came by and grabbed the movies. He was on the phone and didn’t even come inside. So, that’s done.

I know better than to rush things but I just got caught up. He was sweet and showering me with attention. He had read my blog so he should know I can handle that for only so long. Of course I want the guy I’m dating to text me, etc. but I get overwhelmed easily.

My mom thinks I should take a break from dating. She’s usually right but......There is this sexy, flirty guy at work I’ve got my eye on.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Dating is a Roller Coaster

I met Nate on match.com. He viewed my profile and I winked at him. He immediately sent an email back. I gave him my number after a few emails since I was going to be out. He text me and we text back and forth all night. I was over at a friend’s house carving pumpkins. He mentioned he loved roasted pumpkin seeds and hadn’t had them in awhile. I thought it would be cute to bring him some on our first date. He didn’t ask me out yet but I knew he would. The next day, Sunday, he text me early afternoon and we text back and forth all day. He asked me on a date. We decided on Tuesday and I picked The Well in Waldo.

I met Nate Tuesday night and thought he was very cute. He was tall and looked like his pictures. We had tons to talk about and lots in common. I gave him the pumpkin seeds and he loved them. I was getting a really good vibe. Nate walked me to my car and we kissed. We had discussed over text how much we both loved roller coasters; we made a second date to go to Worlds of Fun on Saturday. I had plans to go with my sister and her boyfriend. When I got home I already had a text from Nate telling me what a great time he had.

Over the next week Nate text me every day. We would text back and forth all day and evening. Nate seemed really into me and I was into him too. He told me several times how excited he was to go to Worlds of Fun. He asked me on a date for Thursday too but I already had plans with my girlfriends.

On Saturday morning I got a text from Nate “Today is the day!” I went to pick him up and he gave me a tour of his house. We met my sister and her boyfriend and rode with them. Worlds of Fun was crowded but we had a really good time. We walked around and rode all the roller coasters. The lines were really long so we had time to talk. Even when we weren’t talking I felt very comfortable with him. We were at Worlds of Fun for about 8 hours so it was a long date. I took Nate home and went inside for a few minutes. We kissed and said goodbye.

The next day Nate text me saying he was bored and had nothing to do that day. I suggested we hang out. He said he would like that. I didn’t hear from him so I made plans to go to Waldo Pizza and The Well with my girlfriends. He did text me back and I invited him but he said he felt like staying home. Later that night he invited me over so I went over to his house for a little while. We watched some TV and kissed for a bit. I didn’t stay too long since I had to work the next day.

On Monday I text Nate to see how his day was going. He was having a bad day. I didn’t hear from him after that which I thought was odd since usually we text back and forth all day. I didn’t hear from him that night, or the next day. Finally on Thursday, I decided to text him. I just text that I hoped his week was better and it was almost the weekend. He never text me back.

I understand not every guy I go out with is going to be interested in me. I don’t understand not having the courtesy to let me know. A few days ago he was telling me how much he liked me then nothing. How does that change in two days? How hard is it to send a text? “I’m sorry I’m not interested.” Simple, direct, to the point.

Happy Medium

I met Juan Carlos online. He had messaged me saying how pretty he thought I was. We emailed back and forth for awhile and he asked for my number. We text and then talked on the phone. He seemed like a cool guy and had a sexy accent. He was from Peru and spoke Spanish. After about a week or so he asked me on a date.

We met at McCoy’s in Westport. In his online profile he said he was 6’1”. He was probably about 5’9”. I don’t get why guys lie about this. When I met a guy I’m going to notice that if he’s shorter than me. That was strike one. He seemed nice enough. My friends Lora and Brian were in Westport too so they met up with us. Juan Carlos mentioned to Brian that he was going outside to smoke. Brian passed the information along to me since he knows I don’t like dating smokers. Juan Carlos said he wouldn’t smoke if I didn’t want him to. I told him he could do whatever he wanted. This was strike two. The rest of the night went along fine. He did mention he had trouble understanding Lora. He said she talked too fast.

When we were leaving Juan Carlos asked me to go to a movie the next day. I told him I was busy and had volleyball. He wanted to come watch me play volleyball. I explained I thought it was too soon for that. He then asked if I wanted to go out Monday night and then Tuesday night. I told him I wasn’t sure yet. He called me the next day but I didn’t answer. I felt he came on too strong. He text me the next day and I text him back letting him know I wasn’t interested.

Where’s the happy medium? They either come on too strong or show interest but then fall off the face of the earth.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Update to Second chance

After I posted my last blog about Will I got several texts from him. I knew we were friends on Facebook but I didn’t really think he checked it that often so I didn’t think he would read it. Clearly, he did.

His texts basically said he still cared about me a lot and was stressing about job, money, etc. He did apologize about canceling on me. He also said he had said that we weren’t going to date just see how things went. When we went out in Lawrence his words were “I want to get back together”. What was I supposed to think about that? I thought he meant he wanted to get back together since that’s what he said.

He felt the need to defend himself. Which is fine. The point of my blog is to express my feelings and the situations I have been in while dating. I didn’t say anything bad about him. I stated what happened and how I felt about it.

His excuse was the same as it was when we dated two years ago. Nothing has changed with him. I have since deleted him from Facebook and have moved on.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Second Chance

I’ve known Will since I was 18 and first moved to Lawrence. We had many mutual friends and hung out at parties. We kept in contact on and off through the years.

When I first moved back to KS after living in FL, I had a Happy Hour in Lawrence and Will attended. He confessed that he liked me all these years. Our first date was the day after my birthday. He brought me daisies (my favorite flower) and Boulevard Wheat (my favorite beer). He took me to Teller’s for dinner. We quickly became “official” boyfriend and girlfriend.

Our relationship progressed and we even talked about moving in together. We had only been dating a short time but had almost 10 years of history so we knew each other very well. During that time I lived with my parents while my sister, Ryann, and I looked for an apartment in KC. I always went to Lawrence to see Will.

Ryann and I moved to our new apartment and that’s when things started to go downhill. He always wanted me to make the drive to Lawrence and rarely made the drive to KC. I felt that he didn’t make me a priority. I asked him to talk about what was wrong and he wouldn’t discuss it with me so eventually I broke things off.

Fast forward two years later. Will was one of my matches on match.com. I decided to email him to say hi. I had heard from Will several times over the past two years but rarely responded to his texts. I’m not quite sure why I decided to contact him. On paper he met all my criteria.

I heard back from him and we made a plan to meet for a beer at Louise’s downtown, one of my favorite Lawrence bars. After catching up and talking awhile he said he wanted to get back together. He said he realized what a big mistake he made in the past. I wasn’t really sure how to react to this. I hadn’t thought of getting back together. I told him we could try dating and see how things went.

He text me the next day and said what a great time he had. After that I didn’t hear from him for several days. I thought if he really wanted to get back together he would be trying a little harder. He called about a week later and said he was going to be in KC and would love to take me to dinner. I was looking forward to it. The next day I get a text that he wouldn’t be able to make it. I didn’t even respond to his text. I was upset and hurt. This showed me that he wasn’t ready to make any changes and it would be the same thing as before.

My sister tells me that people don’t change. I understand what she is saying and to some extend I agree but I also think people can learn and grow from past mistakes and experiences. I would rather give things another try then wonder how things may have been. Now I know.

Thursday, August 26, 2010


Steven sent me an email on match.com. We exchanged emails back and forth for about two weeks. Finally, I suggested getting together. I gave him my phone number and he called that night. Our phone conversation was very short and it seemed like he was in a hurry to get off the phone. He really wanted to go a movie, which I thought was an odd first date choice but he mentioned it several times so I agreed. We were going to do dinner after the movie. I was starting to have doubts but had already agreed to the date and felt bad canceling.

I met him at the theater and he didn’t quite look like his pictures. They were definitely from several years ago. We chatted before the movie a bit. Steven was very awkward and shy. I tried to keep the conversation flowing, hoping something would bring him out of his shell. Finally, the movie started and the painful conversation was over.

After the movie he still wanted to go to dinner. I couldn’t bare the thought of sitting with him for another hour, awkwardly trying to have more conversation. I told him my friend had called during the movie and had an emergency so I had to leave.

I feel so bad for doing this and have never done this on a date. I should have just been honest and told him I wasn’t feeling any chemistry. I really probably shouldn’t have even gone on the date to begin with. I wasn’t feeling it but was trying to give him a chance and be more open minded. I feel like there’s a fine line between being too picky and not picky enough and I struggle with that line.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Friend train

I met Kevin online. He sent me a nice message and I replied. We emailed, text back and forth, and scheduled a phone date. I called him and we spend time getting to know one another. Kevin was very up front about being recently divorced. He also has two young daughters. I asked if he was ready to be dating so soon. He assured me he was.

The next day we email back and forth. We make a date for that night to meet for beers. Kevin is cute, sweet, funny, and charming. We have lots to talk about and only a few awkward silences. Kevin walks me to my car and I can tell he’s not sure if he should kiss me. Since he’s new to the dating scene I give him a tip, “If a girl is lingering outside her car or door she wants a kiss.” So he kisses me.

The following day he emails me and says he had a good time. He has a great idea for a weekend date. He has a Harley so he suggests we take a ride to a little town in Missouri for lunch and swimming. I agree. We email back and forth all day. Kevin plays volleyball also and his team needs a sub. So I play with his team on Wed. night. Wed. nights I frequent Jerry’s Bait Shop and I invited Kevin. After volleyball we head over there. We have a good time, he meets some of my friends, and they like him. When we leave Kevin walks me to my car. It is starting to rain so he says I should just invite him over. I agree but tell him only for a little while and not to get any funny ideas. He comes over and we make out for a bit. I am really digging Kevin and I think the feeling is mutual.

Sunday morning I head to his house for our all day date. I’m nervous about spending so much time with someone I just met but also excited. Kevin decided we should take the car because it was so hot out and the drive takes about an hour and a half. The car ride down there is good. We have plenty to talk about and the conversation just flows. We have lunch and then head to the lake for some swimming. We head back after awhile. We talk in the car and there are some silences but we had already been together for several hours.

We get back to Kevin’s and just hang out for a bit. I don’t stay long because we have volleyball that evening. I get to volleyball and Kevin meets us there. He seems a little distance. I’m not quite sure why. Is it because we’ve just spent 8 hours together? Is it because he’s around new people? Is it because he doesn’t like me?

Over the next couple of weeks we email occasionally. I sub on his volleyball team and he subs on mine. Kevin doesn’t ask me on any dates. I feel like things are awkward with Kevin so I bring up the just friends talk. I tell him I am OK with being just friends and I understand if he is not ready for a relationship.

A few days later Kevin sends me an email again explaining that he wants to be just friends. I thought we already had this conversation but we had been very playful and flirty with each other and Kevin thought he was leading me on. I again told Kevin I was 100% fine with being just friends.

I truly am. Normally, I’m not a fan of being friends with someone I’ve went on a few dates with. In this case though I think Kevin is a great guy and I’m really glad I made a new friend.

The term “friend train” was coined by my friend Lora and perfectly describes this situation. Here is the definition in her words.

Friend train - Terminology originated at the Sushi Train at Sakura. When one party does not feel romantically attracted to the other while the opposite party is usually still interested. This can be just "phasing out" someone by not calling or just a verbal "I think we are just too different" or "we would not make pretty kids" or "I don't think I'm ready to date someone who still lives in their parent's basement." Some people don't even hear the train coming. Others have said it was painless. Sometimes it does work out that you stay in contact with these people as friends but most go in the recycle bin. If a friend doesn't think the person you’re dating is going to make it then they might shout out a "choo choo" to warn you that they see it coming. "Friend train victims" may be recycled though if you think they might be a better fit for one of your other single friends. Some of my friend trains have become BFF's.

Thursday, August 12, 2010


I met Shane at work. He instant messages me, we chat back and forth. Shane was super sweet and gives me tons of compliments. I give him my phone number.

One night I’m out with my girlfriends and he is texting me. He’s again being sweet and charming. He was driving to his hometown for the weekend. I tell him I want to talk to him. He says he can’t talk because his son is sleeping in the back seat. He never mentioned a son. He then tells me he has two sons. I’m very surprised because he hasn’t mentioned this in the few days we’ve been talking.

The next day Shane calls me and explains he has two sons from two different women. Two baby mamas, sounds like drama. Despite this, I like him. We text on and off during that weekend and make a date for Monday night.

Monday he comes to pick me up and we go to dinner. Shane is being so sweet and tells me I look great. He then drops another bomb. He tells me he’s separated but actually still married. He gives the spiel about being unhappy and all that jazz. I’m in a bit of shock over this and am not really sure what to say. We get back to my house and I let Shane come up for a bit. He explains his situation is complicated. He says he really likes me and would like to give things a try with us. Against better judgment, I agree to give him a chance. He kisses me good night and leaves.

That week at work we instant message back and forth. I’m still concerned about him being “separated”. He assures me things are over with her. I agree to another date. Our date is fun but it feels weird. During our discussion at dinner he tells me that he still lives with his wife but they have separate bedrooms. This is starting to sound like a soap opera.

After dinner he takes me home and I tell Shane I can’t see him anymore. He’s very upset and doesn’t understand. He asks me if I’m dating anyone else. When I tell him yes, I’m dating he gets upset. He thought we were exclusive because we kissed. What?!?! He’s married and still lives with his wife. How can we be in an exclusive relationship?

If we didn’t work together I would have just told him I couldn’t see him and kicked him out but since we do I tell him we can be friends but nothing beyond that. He says this will be too hard for him because he cares about me too much. Ummm, ok. We’ve know each other for two weeks and been on two dates. Finally, he leaves. I’m dreading the awkwardness at work.

Luckily, I manage not to run into him over the next few days. One day he instant messages me to tell me he found a new job and put in his two week notice. Over the next two weeks I avoid him as much as possible. He asks if we can be friends after he doesn’t work there anymore. I tell him I don’t think that is a good idea and he doesn’t talk to me after that. His last day comes and that was the end of that.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

I should have kissed you....or not

I met George on an online dating site. I was trying to distract myself from the Donnie situation. We chat online and I give him my number and email address. We text and email the next day. We cover the basic getting to know you questions. He seemed liked a cool guy. We were trying to make plans to go out that weekend but our schedules didn’t work. We decide to meet up that night at a place by my house.

I get there first and grab a seat at the bar. George arrives a few minutes later and he really doesn’t look like his pictures. I have to feel chemistry instantly and I didn’t feel it with George. It’s not all about looks either. For me there just has to be that spark. We chat and he’s a nice guy but definitely not for me. I end the date as early as possible without being rude. He walks me to my car. I give him a quick courtesy hug and get in my car immediately.

On my way home I get a text from him that said he was thinking he should have kissed me. I didn’t respond. A little later I get another one that says or not..lol. I gave no indication I wanted a kiss and I’m glad he didn’t try.

The next day before I even get a chance to email him to tell him I’m not interested he emails me. I politely tell him he’s seems like a good guy but I didn’t feel chemistry. He was very adult about it and told me thanks for letting him know right away. Honesty truly is the best policy.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Stood Up

Donnie was an old friend from high school. We reconnected through Facebook, either the best or worst social networking site ever. He added me as a friend and I suggested we grab a beer to catch up. I hadn’t seen Donnie in about 15 years. We make plans for a Tuesday evening to meet at a bar by his house. I’m a few minutes late because I can’t find the place. Donnie calls to give me directions and waits outside for me. He looks good.
We get inside and order beers. We catch up on old times. He’s divorced and has kids. Of course the question is asked why you are single. I give the standard response, I guess I haven’t’ met the right guy. We discuss dating and how hard it can be. We seem to be getting along very well and I’m amazingly comfortable with him. I’m also attracted to him. He’s wearing work boots and a ball cap. His hands are rough and calloused. He’s a man’s man.
My friend, Lora, is texting me inviting us over. I mention this to Donnie and he says let’s go. We stop, get some beer, and head to Lora’s. We hang out on the patio and have a few beers. Two of Lora’s guy friends are there. One asks how long Donnie and I have been dating. I laugh and look at him. He says this is our first date. I said I didn’t realize this was a date. He says it is, so we cheers to our first “date”. Donnie has his arm around me and I have my hand on his knee and it seems like the most natural thing. There was just a connection with us. We’re just sitting around talking. At one point, another friend, Leah texts me and says she has free tickets to a comedy club and asks us to go. I pass along the message and invited everyone there. Donnie says he would like to go and would love to take me out to dinner before the show.
We leave Lora’s and I drive Donnie back to his car., which we had left at the bar. We get there and are talking in the car. He mentions that he hasn’t really dated in awhile because he’s scared of opening up and getting hurt. I agree with him and tell him I feel the same way, although I date often. I tell him I like him and would like to hang out again. He says the same thing back. He leans over and kisses me. This was a great kiss. I like to think of myself as a kissing connoisseur and Donnie was amazing. We kiss for a few minutes in the car and finally say bye. He says he will talk to me tomorrow. When I got home I get a text from him. “Thank you for tonight, Shannon. I had a great time. It was so good to see you.” I’m thinking this is a good sign.
Wednesday afternoon comes around and I haven’t heard from him so I text asking what time he thinks he will get off work. No response. Finally, about 7:30 I met up with my friends and still haven’t from him. I send another text asking if we should hold him a seat. No response. Later, he texts saying he got off work late and he’s not feeling well. OK. Next day, he texts he’s so sorry, etc. and calls me gorgeous. I’m a sucker for this. After consulting with a guy friend, I text telling him he missed a good show and to text me when he felt better. My guy friend said I should give him one get out of jail free card. I hear from him Friday night and he asks what I was doing. I was at the Outdoor Flick at Crown Center with friends. We text back and forth a bit.
Saturday I text him early afternoon and ask what he’s doing. We text back and forth and start to make plans to hang out that night. He asks what I want to do. My friend, Lora, was having people over so I ask if he would like to go over there again. Then, nothing. He never text back. It’s been several days and I haven’t heard anything from him.
How is someone that rude? At least text me and say something came up or be a man and say you don’t want to hang out. I still don’t understand how this happens. He was interested at first. How does this change a few days later? I at least let someone know I’m not interested anymore. I will send a nice email or text. I think it’s important to be honest. I wouldn’t care but he really was an amazing kisser and I was looking forward to kissing him again. Oh well, his loss, right?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Overnight Bag

I met Sam on a dating website. He sent me a message and I replied. He seemed like a nice guy although a bit young for me. We exchanged emails back and forth and talked on the phone a few times. We set up a date to meet at a restaurant in Zona Rosa. He was cute and we had plenty to talk about. He worked with children so we had that in common. I was a bit leery because he was only 25 and lived with his parents. He was going back to school to obtain his teaching degree, which is something else we had in common. I decide to give him a chance.

When it comes time to pay the bill he suggested we split it but he would make it up to me. I’m all for women’s liberation but I think the guy should pay on the first date. We split the bill. He walks me to my car and I let him kiss me good night.

We text back and forth over the next few days and make a date for Friday night. He wants to come pick me up and I agree. He shows up with some wine and daisies, my favorite flower. We have a few glasses of wine before we head to Edokko (http://www.edokkokc.com) a nearby sushi restaurant. The sushi was absolutely fabulous. Our conversation is flowing and we are getting along well. He’s a nice guy but a little odd. He tells me he has ADHD so if he seems a bit distracted at times that is why. He did flit around from subject to subject a bit. I was still having a good time though. We even sat on the same side of the booth. Usually, I think this is cheesy but it was cute.

We go back to my house and just hung out for a bit. We were sitting on the couch, he kisses me, and offers to give me a back rub. Of course I can’t refuse a free back massage. This in turn leads to more kissing. He’s turning to get further but I’m not having it. I’m not a prude but it was only our second date. At this point it’s about 1 am or so. I mention that I should be getting to sleep soon. He’s like OK, let me get my bag. I’m very confused by this. This is pretty much our conversation

Me “Your bag?”
Sam, “Yeah, I brought my overnight bag with my contact stuff.”
Me “You’re staying here?”
Sam, “Yeah, if it’s cool.”
Me “That’s probably not a good idea.”
Sam, “Fine, can at least take my contacts out?”
Me, “umm, ok.”

So he goes to his car and brings in his overnight bag. He goes in the bathroom takes out his contacts and puts his glasses. He’s storming around and is acting mad so I ask if he’s upset. As he’s walking out the door he says, “I just love getting the boot.”

The next day he deletes me from Facebook. I don’t think I was being unreasonable. I thought it was very odd to show up with an overnight bag and assume he could stay the night. I guess since he brought me flowers he thought he was going to get lucky. Guess he thought wrong.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Why aren't you married?

As I get older (just turned 31 in May) I get the question more and more often. Why aren’t you married? My answer is usually because I haven’t met the right guy. But, then I begin to question myself. Did I pass the right guy by because he quoted too many movies or didn’t wear the right shoes? Am I too picky? Is there such a thing as too picky when choosing who you are going to spend the rest of your life with? Is there something wrong with me? Am I going to end up alone, a crazy cat lady?
This blog will explore my dating life. I will try to focus on mostly current dates and relationships but will delve into the past so I can analyze prior relationships as well.

This blog is inspired by many people.

My sister, who is a writer and is in a happy, successful relationship.
My girlfriends who always listen to my crazy stories and offer advice.
My parents who are always there for me, especially my mom who has comforted me over many failed relationships, assuring me I will someday meet the right one,
The movie Julie and Julia. I didn’t really like the movie but I enjoyed the blogging aspect.
A friend who is writing a book over his recent horrible divorce.

**Names have been changed to protect the innocent or in some cases the jerk that broke my heart.**