Thursday, August 26, 2010


Steven sent me an email on We exchanged emails back and forth for about two weeks. Finally, I suggested getting together. I gave him my phone number and he called that night. Our phone conversation was very short and it seemed like he was in a hurry to get off the phone. He really wanted to go a movie, which I thought was an odd first date choice but he mentioned it several times so I agreed. We were going to do dinner after the movie. I was starting to have doubts but had already agreed to the date and felt bad canceling.

I met him at the theater and he didn’t quite look like his pictures. They were definitely from several years ago. We chatted before the movie a bit. Steven was very awkward and shy. I tried to keep the conversation flowing, hoping something would bring him out of his shell. Finally, the movie started and the painful conversation was over.

After the movie he still wanted to go to dinner. I couldn’t bare the thought of sitting with him for another hour, awkwardly trying to have more conversation. I told him my friend had called during the movie and had an emergency so I had to leave.

I feel so bad for doing this and have never done this on a date. I should have just been honest and told him I wasn’t feeling any chemistry. I really probably shouldn’t have even gone on the date to begin with. I wasn’t feeling it but was trying to give him a chance and be more open minded. I feel like there’s a fine line between being too picky and not picky enough and I struggle with that line.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Friend train

I met Kevin online. He sent me a nice message and I replied. We emailed, text back and forth, and scheduled a phone date. I called him and we spend time getting to know one another. Kevin was very up front about being recently divorced. He also has two young daughters. I asked if he was ready to be dating so soon. He assured me he was.

The next day we email back and forth. We make a date for that night to meet for beers. Kevin is cute, sweet, funny, and charming. We have lots to talk about and only a few awkward silences. Kevin walks me to my car and I can tell he’s not sure if he should kiss me. Since he’s new to the dating scene I give him a tip, “If a girl is lingering outside her car or door she wants a kiss.” So he kisses me.

The following day he emails me and says he had a good time. He has a great idea for a weekend date. He has a Harley so he suggests we take a ride to a little town in Missouri for lunch and swimming. I agree. We email back and forth all day. Kevin plays volleyball also and his team needs a sub. So I play with his team on Wed. night. Wed. nights I frequent Jerry’s Bait Shop and I invited Kevin. After volleyball we head over there. We have a good time, he meets some of my friends, and they like him. When we leave Kevin walks me to my car. It is starting to rain so he says I should just invite him over. I agree but tell him only for a little while and not to get any funny ideas. He comes over and we make out for a bit. I am really digging Kevin and I think the feeling is mutual.

Sunday morning I head to his house for our all day date. I’m nervous about spending so much time with someone I just met but also excited. Kevin decided we should take the car because it was so hot out and the drive takes about an hour and a half. The car ride down there is good. We have plenty to talk about and the conversation just flows. We have lunch and then head to the lake for some swimming. We head back after awhile. We talk in the car and there are some silences but we had already been together for several hours.

We get back to Kevin’s and just hang out for a bit. I don’t stay long because we have volleyball that evening. I get to volleyball and Kevin meets us there. He seems a little distance. I’m not quite sure why. Is it because we’ve just spent 8 hours together? Is it because he’s around new people? Is it because he doesn’t like me?

Over the next couple of weeks we email occasionally. I sub on his volleyball team and he subs on mine. Kevin doesn’t ask me on any dates. I feel like things are awkward with Kevin so I bring up the just friends talk. I tell him I am OK with being just friends and I understand if he is not ready for a relationship.

A few days later Kevin sends me an email again explaining that he wants to be just friends. I thought we already had this conversation but we had been very playful and flirty with each other and Kevin thought he was leading me on. I again told Kevin I was 100% fine with being just friends.

I truly am. Normally, I’m not a fan of being friends with someone I’ve went on a few dates with. In this case though I think Kevin is a great guy and I’m really glad I made a new friend.

The term “friend train” was coined by my friend Lora and perfectly describes this situation. Here is the definition in her words.

Friend train - Terminology originated at the Sushi Train at Sakura. When one party does not feel romantically attracted to the other while the opposite party is usually still interested. This can be just "phasing out" someone by not calling or just a verbal "I think we are just too different" or "we would not make pretty kids" or "I don't think I'm ready to date someone who still lives in their parent's basement." Some people don't even hear the train coming. Others have said it was painless. Sometimes it does work out that you stay in contact with these people as friends but most go in the recycle bin. If a friend doesn't think the person you’re dating is going to make it then they might shout out a "choo choo" to warn you that they see it coming. "Friend train victims" may be recycled though if you think they might be a better fit for one of your other single friends. Some of my friend trains have become BFF's.

Thursday, August 12, 2010


I met Shane at work. He instant messages me, we chat back and forth. Shane was super sweet and gives me tons of compliments. I give him my phone number.

One night I’m out with my girlfriends and he is texting me. He’s again being sweet and charming. He was driving to his hometown for the weekend. I tell him I want to talk to him. He says he can’t talk because his son is sleeping in the back seat. He never mentioned a son. He then tells me he has two sons. I’m very surprised because he hasn’t mentioned this in the few days we’ve been talking.

The next day Shane calls me and explains he has two sons from two different women. Two baby mamas, sounds like drama. Despite this, I like him. We text on and off during that weekend and make a date for Monday night.

Monday he comes to pick me up and we go to dinner. Shane is being so sweet and tells me I look great. He then drops another bomb. He tells me he’s separated but actually still married. He gives the spiel about being unhappy and all that jazz. I’m in a bit of shock over this and am not really sure what to say. We get back to my house and I let Shane come up for a bit. He explains his situation is complicated. He says he really likes me and would like to give things a try with us. Against better judgment, I agree to give him a chance. He kisses me good night and leaves.

That week at work we instant message back and forth. I’m still concerned about him being “separated”. He assures me things are over with her. I agree to another date. Our date is fun but it feels weird. During our discussion at dinner he tells me that he still lives with his wife but they have separate bedrooms. This is starting to sound like a soap opera.

After dinner he takes me home and I tell Shane I can’t see him anymore. He’s very upset and doesn’t understand. He asks me if I’m dating anyone else. When I tell him yes, I’m dating he gets upset. He thought we were exclusive because we kissed. What?!?! He’s married and still lives with his wife. How can we be in an exclusive relationship?

If we didn’t work together I would have just told him I couldn’t see him and kicked him out but since we do I tell him we can be friends but nothing beyond that. He says this will be too hard for him because he cares about me too much. Ummm, ok. We’ve know each other for two weeks and been on two dates. Finally, he leaves. I’m dreading the awkwardness at work.

Luckily, I manage not to run into him over the next few days. One day he instant messages me to tell me he found a new job and put in his two week notice. Over the next two weeks I avoid him as much as possible. He asks if we can be friends after he doesn’t work there anymore. I tell him I don’t think that is a good idea and he doesn’t talk to me after that. His last day comes and that was the end of that.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

I should have kissed you....or not

I met George on an online dating site. I was trying to distract myself from the Donnie situation. We chat online and I give him my number and email address. We text and email the next day. We cover the basic getting to know you questions. He seemed liked a cool guy. We were trying to make plans to go out that weekend but our schedules didn’t work. We decide to meet up that night at a place by my house.

I get there first and grab a seat at the bar. George arrives a few minutes later and he really doesn’t look like his pictures. I have to feel chemistry instantly and I didn’t feel it with George. It’s not all about looks either. For me there just has to be that spark. We chat and he’s a nice guy but definitely not for me. I end the date as early as possible without being rude. He walks me to my car. I give him a quick courtesy hug and get in my car immediately.

On my way home I get a text from him that said he was thinking he should have kissed me. I didn’t respond. A little later I get another one that says or I gave no indication I wanted a kiss and I’m glad he didn’t try.

The next day before I even get a chance to email him to tell him I’m not interested he emails me. I politely tell him he’s seems like a good guy but I didn’t feel chemistry. He was very adult about it and told me thanks for letting him know right away. Honesty truly is the best policy.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Stood Up

Donnie was an old friend from high school. We reconnected through Facebook, either the best or worst social networking site ever. He added me as a friend and I suggested we grab a beer to catch up. I hadn’t seen Donnie in about 15 years. We make plans for a Tuesday evening to meet at a bar by his house. I’m a few minutes late because I can’t find the place. Donnie calls to give me directions and waits outside for me. He looks good.
We get inside and order beers. We catch up on old times. He’s divorced and has kids. Of course the question is asked why you are single. I give the standard response, I guess I haven’t’ met the right guy. We discuss dating and how hard it can be. We seem to be getting along very well and I’m amazingly comfortable with him. I’m also attracted to him. He’s wearing work boots and a ball cap. His hands are rough and calloused. He’s a man’s man.
My friend, Lora, is texting me inviting us over. I mention this to Donnie and he says let’s go. We stop, get some beer, and head to Lora’s. We hang out on the patio and have a few beers. Two of Lora’s guy friends are there. One asks how long Donnie and I have been dating. I laugh and look at him. He says this is our first date. I said I didn’t realize this was a date. He says it is, so we cheers to our first “date”. Donnie has his arm around me and I have my hand on his knee and it seems like the most natural thing. There was just a connection with us. We’re just sitting around talking. At one point, another friend, Leah texts me and says she has free tickets to a comedy club and asks us to go. I pass along the message and invited everyone there. Donnie says he would like to go and would love to take me out to dinner before the show.
We leave Lora’s and I drive Donnie back to his car., which we had left at the bar. We get there and are talking in the car. He mentions that he hasn’t really dated in awhile because he’s scared of opening up and getting hurt. I agree with him and tell him I feel the same way, although I date often. I tell him I like him and would like to hang out again. He says the same thing back. He leans over and kisses me. This was a great kiss. I like to think of myself as a kissing connoisseur and Donnie was amazing. We kiss for a few minutes in the car and finally say bye. He says he will talk to me tomorrow. When I got home I get a text from him. “Thank you for tonight, Shannon. I had a great time. It was so good to see you.” I’m thinking this is a good sign.
Wednesday afternoon comes around and I haven’t heard from him so I text asking what time he thinks he will get off work. No response. Finally, about 7:30 I met up with my friends and still haven’t from him. I send another text asking if we should hold him a seat. No response. Later, he texts saying he got off work late and he’s not feeling well. OK. Next day, he texts he’s so sorry, etc. and calls me gorgeous. I’m a sucker for this. After consulting with a guy friend, I text telling him he missed a good show and to text me when he felt better. My guy friend said I should give him one get out of jail free card. I hear from him Friday night and he asks what I was doing. I was at the Outdoor Flick at Crown Center with friends. We text back and forth a bit.
Saturday I text him early afternoon and ask what he’s doing. We text back and forth and start to make plans to hang out that night. He asks what I want to do. My friend, Lora, was having people over so I ask if he would like to go over there again. Then, nothing. He never text back. It’s been several days and I haven’t heard anything from him.
How is someone that rude? At least text me and say something came up or be a man and say you don’t want to hang out. I still don’t understand how this happens. He was interested at first. How does this change a few days later? I at least let someone know I’m not interested anymore. I will send a nice email or text. I think it’s important to be honest. I wouldn’t care but he really was an amazing kisser and I was looking forward to kissing him again. Oh well, his loss, right?