Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I'm Not Afraid To Be Happy and That's Why This Guy Got Dumped

Jared sent me an email online telling me what gorgeous eyes I had. I emailed him back and we exchanged a few emails before he asked for my number. I gave it to him and he texted me right away. He asked if he could call and I agreed. Jared seemed like a really sweet guy and he made me laugh. We had tons to talk about and I immediately felt comfortable with him. He worked an overnight shift so he wanted to talk in the morning after he got off work. I talked to him a few mornings while I got ready. Jared asked me out pretty quick. I was feeling him so I was looking forward to go out with him. The few days before our date he called me every morning, every night, and texted me often. I was flattered by all the attention but it was a little much. Jared text me about how excited he was for our first date. He kept telling me he had a good feeling about me.

The night of our date came. He was a cute guy, maybe not completely honest about his height but pretty close. We went to Cheddar’s for dinner. We each ordered a beer and Jared’s toast was “To our last first date ever”. Dinner went well and our conversation flowed. After dinner we went bowling, which was really fun. We had our first kiss at the bowling alley. Jared asked me out for our second date.

The time between our first date and second date was three days. During this time Jared continued to text and call often. I explained to him I get overwhelmed easily and suggested he read my blog. He did and his only question was “Who is the sexy, flirty co-worker?” Not exactly what I was hoping he would get out of the blog. He told me he deleted his online dating profile. I told him I wasn’t ready to delete mine.

Our second date was at Free State Brewery in Lawrence, which is one of my favorite restaurants. Dinner went well although he did mention going on vacation together that summer. He also said how much his parents would love me and he couldn’t wait to introduce me to them. I had joked about stealing the beer mugs. While I had stepped away from the table Jared had bought me a beer mug. It was very sweet of him. After dinner, we went to Java Break for some hot cocoa. Over our cocoa I told Jared we didn’t need to talk on the phone all the time nor did he need to constantly text me. I also clarified that I would like to take things slow and I thought he was rushing things. He seemed receptive to what I was saying.

Jared had already asked me on a third date. Over the next few days he persisted with the constant texting. The texts included things like how amazing he thought I was and how lucky he was to have met me. I, of course, agree with these things but how did he know this after two dates and a week of us talking? I responded to his texts less and less often. Finally, he asked if I was still interested, I responded honestly and told him I wasn’t anymore. I was trying to be nice and said that he had more feelings than I did. He wasn’t getting it so I had to spell it out for him. I told him he liked me more than I liked him and it wasn’t going to work. He tried to convince me otherwise but my mind was already made up.

Over the next several days, I received more texts which included “Why are you afraid to let yourself be happy?” One day he text me and I responded with” I do not think we should communicate anymore.” I got one back that said “Your loss.” Then five minutes later “I really opened up myself to you and I really like you and you really like me too, you’re just afraid to admit it.”

I think I was pretty clear on what I wanted. I asked Jared several times to chill and just take things slow. I even offered him insight into my dating life with my blog. Why am I afraid to let myself be happy because I didn’t want to continue to date someone I didn’t think was right for me? I think by being honest and letting him know it wasn’t working for me shows I do want to be happy and will keep searching for the right guy. I refuse to settle.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Strike Out!

This happened over the summer but I never blogged about it and I’ve had lots of requests lately for a new blog post.

I met Nick online. He seemed cool enough. We talked on the phone a few times and he text me a lot. He asked me on a date and I agreed. He was taking me to a T-Bones game and then out to dinner. I let him come pick me up, which normally I wouldn’t do on a first date but I thought it would be weird to meet at the game.

We had lots to talk about and the conversation flowed on the way there. It was fun to watch the T-Bones play. During the game Nick started talking about how he wanted to have a big wedding and how he couldn’t wait to get married. (Strike 1) I thought that was an odd conversation for a first date. After the game, Nick wanted to go somewhere close so he decided on Applebee’s. Not where I would have chosen but by this point I was ready to go somewhere quick as well. Dinner was a bit awkward, as we had run out of things to talk about. On the ride home he invited me to his home town in Minnesota for his high school reunion which was a few months away. (Strike 2) He dropped me off and I jetted out of the car hoping to avoid the awkwardness of deflecting a kiss.

The next day he text me. I was having car trouble and he offered to let me borrow his car to drive to Lawrence for work. (Strike 3) Who lets a girl you’ve know for a week borrow your SUV? That evening I told Nick it wasn’t going to work and I thought he came on too strong.

Talking about weddings and inviting me to your high school reunion is not proper first date etiquette. Another strike out!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Too much, Too Soon

Bob and I had been texting a few months ago but it just faded out. He sent me a message recently asking if I had forgotten his number. I wrote back and told him I hadn’t but he stopped texting me so I didn’t think he was interested anymore. He explained he was dating someone for awhile. We text for a few days and he finally asked me on a date.

We met on Sunday night at Jerry’s Bait Shop (one of my favorite bars) and had a few beers. Bob seemed like a nice guy, he was cute and tall, almost 6’4”. We had a good conversation. We were discussing our schedules. He works early and gets off around four. I go in late and don’t get home until about eight. As we’re discussing our schedules he says he can be at my house by 8:15 the next night to watch a movie. I was kind of taken off guard so I agreed.

He came over the next night, Monday, to watch a movie. He had mentioned that he was a little broke so that’s why we stayed in. We got along fine and shared a good night kiss. I was a little worried about a few things. He was jumping right in. He had a daughter and wasn’t sure if he wanted more kids. Heavy stuff for the first few dates but it came up so we discussed. Bob was always texting me good morning, pictures he had taken, asking how my day was. I thought it was sweet at first. We hang out another night that week.

On Friday, after work I was going out with coworkers. (which was a blast by the way) He text me that day and asked if I wanted to go Trick or Treating with him and his daughter. I gave a non committal answer. I was a little shocked by this. I thought it was way too soon for that. I don’t have kids but I think that’s a big step. That night I was out with my coworkers. He text me four times without me responding and posted on my Facebook six different comments. It was a bit excessive for an hour time frame.

By this point, I knew this was not going to work. Too much, too soon. Saturday he text me a few times and I text back. I wasn’t ready to deal with him just yet. Saturday night I was at a party and he text me a few times without me responding. Sunday comes around, he texts asking if I’m still interested. I text back and told him Friday freaked me out with all the texting, Facebook posting, and wanting me to meet his daughter. I told him I thought he was a nice guy but I didn’t think it was going to work long term. He was actually pretty cool about it, although a bit melodramatic. He had left some movies at my apartment so he wanted to come get them the next night. He came by and grabbed the movies. He was on the phone and didn’t even come inside. So, that’s done.

I know better than to rush things but I just got caught up. He was sweet and showering me with attention. He had read my blog so he should know I can handle that for only so long. Of course I want the guy I’m dating to text me, etc. but I get overwhelmed easily.

My mom thinks I should take a break from dating. She’s usually right but......There is this sexy, flirty guy at work I’ve got my eye on.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Dating is a Roller Coaster

I met Nate on match.com. He viewed my profile and I winked at him. He immediately sent an email back. I gave him my number after a few emails since I was going to be out. He text me and we text back and forth all night. I was over at a friend’s house carving pumpkins. He mentioned he loved roasted pumpkin seeds and hadn’t had them in awhile. I thought it would be cute to bring him some on our first date. He didn’t ask me out yet but I knew he would. The next day, Sunday, he text me early afternoon and we text back and forth all day. He asked me on a date. We decided on Tuesday and I picked The Well in Waldo.

I met Nate Tuesday night and thought he was very cute. He was tall and looked like his pictures. We had tons to talk about and lots in common. I gave him the pumpkin seeds and he loved them. I was getting a really good vibe. Nate walked me to my car and we kissed. We had discussed over text how much we both loved roller coasters; we made a second date to go to Worlds of Fun on Saturday. I had plans to go with my sister and her boyfriend. When I got home I already had a text from Nate telling me what a great time he had.

Over the next week Nate text me every day. We would text back and forth all day and evening. Nate seemed really into me and I was into him too. He told me several times how excited he was to go to Worlds of Fun. He asked me on a date for Thursday too but I already had plans with my girlfriends.

On Saturday morning I got a text from Nate “Today is the day!” I went to pick him up and he gave me a tour of his house. We met my sister and her boyfriend and rode with them. Worlds of Fun was crowded but we had a really good time. We walked around and rode all the roller coasters. The lines were really long so we had time to talk. Even when we weren’t talking I felt very comfortable with him. We were at Worlds of Fun for about 8 hours so it was a long date. I took Nate home and went inside for a few minutes. We kissed and said goodbye.

The next day Nate text me saying he was bored and had nothing to do that day. I suggested we hang out. He said he would like that. I didn’t hear from him so I made plans to go to Waldo Pizza and The Well with my girlfriends. He did text me back and I invited him but he said he felt like staying home. Later that night he invited me over so I went over to his house for a little while. We watched some TV and kissed for a bit. I didn’t stay too long since I had to work the next day.

On Monday I text Nate to see how his day was going. He was having a bad day. I didn’t hear from him after that which I thought was odd since usually we text back and forth all day. I didn’t hear from him that night, or the next day. Finally on Thursday, I decided to text him. I just text that I hoped his week was better and it was almost the weekend. He never text me back.

I understand not every guy I go out with is going to be interested in me. I don’t understand not having the courtesy to let me know. A few days ago he was telling me how much he liked me then nothing. How does that change in two days? How hard is it to send a text? “I’m sorry I’m not interested.” Simple, direct, to the point.

Happy Medium

I met Juan Carlos online. He had messaged me saying how pretty he thought I was. We emailed back and forth for awhile and he asked for my number. We text and then talked on the phone. He seemed like a cool guy and had a sexy accent. He was from Peru and spoke Spanish. After about a week or so he asked me on a date.

We met at McCoy’s in Westport. In his online profile he said he was 6’1”. He was probably about 5’9”. I don’t get why guys lie about this. When I met a guy I’m going to notice that if he’s shorter than me. That was strike one. He seemed nice enough. My friends Lora and Brian were in Westport too so they met up with us. Juan Carlos mentioned to Brian that he was going outside to smoke. Brian passed the information along to me since he knows I don’t like dating smokers. Juan Carlos said he wouldn’t smoke if I didn’t want him to. I told him he could do whatever he wanted. This was strike two. The rest of the night went along fine. He did mention he had trouble understanding Lora. He said she talked too fast.

When we were leaving Juan Carlos asked me to go to a movie the next day. I told him I was busy and had volleyball. He wanted to come watch me play volleyball. I explained I thought it was too soon for that. He then asked if I wanted to go out Monday night and then Tuesday night. I told him I wasn’t sure yet. He called me the next day but I didn’t answer. I felt he came on too strong. He text me the next day and I text him back letting him know I wasn’t interested.

Where’s the happy medium? They either come on too strong or show interest but then fall off the face of the earth.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Update to Second chance

After I posted my last blog about Will I got several texts from him. I knew we were friends on Facebook but I didn’t really think he checked it that often so I didn’t think he would read it. Clearly, he did.

His texts basically said he still cared about me a lot and was stressing about job, money, etc. He did apologize about canceling on me. He also said he had said that we weren’t going to date just see how things went. When we went out in Lawrence his words were “I want to get back together”. What was I supposed to think about that? I thought he meant he wanted to get back together since that’s what he said.

He felt the need to defend himself. Which is fine. The point of my blog is to express my feelings and the situations I have been in while dating. I didn’t say anything bad about him. I stated what happened and how I felt about it.

His excuse was the same as it was when we dated two years ago. Nothing has changed with him. I have since deleted him from Facebook and have moved on.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Second Chance

I’ve known Will since I was 18 and first moved to Lawrence. We had many mutual friends and hung out at parties. We kept in contact on and off through the years.

When I first moved back to KS after living in FL, I had a Happy Hour in Lawrence and Will attended. He confessed that he liked me all these years. Our first date was the day after my birthday. He brought me daisies (my favorite flower) and Boulevard Wheat (my favorite beer). He took me to Teller’s for dinner. We quickly became “official” boyfriend and girlfriend.

Our relationship progressed and we even talked about moving in together. We had only been dating a short time but had almost 10 years of history so we knew each other very well. During that time I lived with my parents while my sister, Ryann, and I looked for an apartment in KC. I always went to Lawrence to see Will.

Ryann and I moved to our new apartment and that’s when things started to go downhill. He always wanted me to make the drive to Lawrence and rarely made the drive to KC. I felt that he didn’t make me a priority. I asked him to talk about what was wrong and he wouldn’t discuss it with me so eventually I broke things off.

Fast forward two years later. Will was one of my matches on match.com. I decided to email him to say hi. I had heard from Will several times over the past two years but rarely responded to his texts. I’m not quite sure why I decided to contact him. On paper he met all my criteria.

I heard back from him and we made a plan to meet for a beer at Louise’s downtown, one of my favorite Lawrence bars. After catching up and talking awhile he said he wanted to get back together. He said he realized what a big mistake he made in the past. I wasn’t really sure how to react to this. I hadn’t thought of getting back together. I told him we could try dating and see how things went.

He text me the next day and said what a great time he had. After that I didn’t hear from him for several days. I thought if he really wanted to get back together he would be trying a little harder. He called about a week later and said he was going to be in KC and would love to take me to dinner. I was looking forward to it. The next day I get a text that he wouldn’t be able to make it. I didn’t even respond to his text. I was upset and hurt. This showed me that he wasn’t ready to make any changes and it would be the same thing as before.

My sister tells me that people don’t change. I understand what she is saying and to some extend I agree but I also think people can learn and grow from past mistakes and experiences. I would rather give things another try then wonder how things may have been. Now I know.