Friend train

I met Kevin online. He sent me a nice message and I replied. We emailed, text back and forth, and scheduled a phone date. I called him and we spend time getting to know one another. Kevin was very up front about being recently divorced. He also has two young daughters. I asked if he was ready to be dating so soon. He assured me he was.

The next day we email back and forth. We make a date for that night to meet for beers. Kevin is cute, sweet, funny, and charming. We have lots to talk about and only a few awkward silences. Kevin walks me to my car and I can tell he’s not sure if he should kiss me. Since he’s new to the dating scene I give him a tip, “If a girl is lingering outside her car or door she wants a kiss.” So he kisses me.

The following day he emails me and says he had a good time. He has a great idea for a weekend date. He has a Harley so he suggests we take a ride to a little town in Missouri for lunch and swimming. I agree. We email back and forth all day. Kevin plays volleyball also and his team needs a sub. So I play with his team on Wed. night. Wed. nights I frequent Jerry’s Bait Shop and I invited Kevin. After volleyball we head over there. We have a good time, he meets some of my friends, and they like him. When we leave Kevin walks me to my car. It is starting to rain so he says I should just invite him over. I agree but tell him only for a little while and not to get any funny ideas. He comes over and we make out for a bit. I am really digging Kevin and I think the feeling is mutual.

Sunday morning I head to his house for our all day date. I’m nervous about spending so much time with someone I just met but also excited. Kevin decided we should take the car because it was so hot out and the drive takes about an hour and a half. The car ride down there is good. We have plenty to talk about and the conversation just flows. We have lunch and then head to the lake for some swimming. We head back after awhile. We talk in the car and there are some silences but we had already been together for several hours.

We get back to Kevin’s and just hang out for a bit. I don’t stay long because we have volleyball that evening. I get to volleyball and Kevin meets us there. He seems a little distance. I’m not quite sure why. Is it because we’ve just spent 8 hours together? Is it because he’s around new people? Is it because he doesn’t like me?

Over the next couple of weeks we email occasionally. I sub on his volleyball team and he subs on mine. Kevin doesn’t ask me on any dates. I feel like things are awkward with Kevin so I bring up the just friends talk. I tell him I am OK with being just friends and I understand if he is not ready for a relationship.

A few days later Kevin sends me an email again explaining that he wants to be just friends. I thought we already had this conversation but we had been very playful and flirty with each other and Kevin thought he was leading me on. I again told Kevin I was 100% fine with being just friends.

I truly am. Normally, I’m not a fan of being friends with someone I’ve went on a few dates with. In this case though I think Kevin is a great guy and I’m really glad I made a new friend.

The term “friend train” was coined by my friend Lora and perfectly describes this situation. Here is the definition in her words.

Friend train - Terminology originated at the Sushi Train at Sakura. When one party does not feel romantically attracted to the other while the opposite party is usually still interested. This can be just "phasing out" someone by not calling or just a verbal "I think we are just too different" or "we would not make pretty kids" or "I don't think I'm ready to date someone who still lives in their parent's basement." Some people don't even hear the train coming. Others have said it was painless. Sometimes it does work out that you stay in contact with these people as friends but most go in the recycle bin. If a friend doesn't think the person you’re dating is going to make it then they might shout out a "choo choo" to warn you that they see it coming. "Friend train victims" may be recycled though if you think they might be a better fit for one of your other single friends. Some of my friend trains have become BFF's.