I met Nate on match.com. He viewed my profile and I winked at him. He immediately sent an email back. I gave him my number after a few emails since I was going to be out. He text me and we text back and forth all night. I was over at a friend’s house carving pumpkins. He mentioned he loved roasted pumpkin seeds and hadn’t had them in awhile. I thought it would be cute to bring him some on our first date. He didn’t ask me out yet but I knew he would. The next day, Sunday, he text me early afternoon and we text back and forth all day. He asked me on a date. We decided on Tuesday and I picked The Well in Waldo.
I met Nate Tuesday night and thought he was very cute. He was tall and looked like his pictures. We had tons to talk about and lots in common. I gave him the pumpkin seeds and he loved them. I was getting a really good vibe. Nate walked me to my car and we kissed. We had discussed over text how much we both loved roller coasters; we made a second date to go to Worlds of Fun on Saturday. I had plans to go with my sister and her boyfriend. When I got home I already had a text from Nate telling me what a great time he had.
Over the next week Nate text me every day. We would text back and forth all day and evening. Nate seemed really into me and I was into him too. He told me several times how excited he was to go to Worlds of Fun. He asked me on a date for Thursday too but I already had plans with my girlfriends.
On Saturday morning I got a text from Nate “Today is the day!” I went to pick him up and he gave me a tour of his house. We met my sister and her boyfriend and rode with them. Worlds of Fun was crowded but we had a really good time. We walked around and rode all the roller coasters. The lines were really long so we had time to talk. Even when we weren’t talking I felt very comfortable with him. We were at Worlds of Fun for about 8 hours so it was a long date. I took Nate home and went inside for a few minutes. We kissed and said goodbye.
The next day Nate text me saying he was bored and had nothing to do that day. I suggested we hang out. He said he would like that. I didn’t hear from him so I made plans to go to Waldo Pizza and The Well with my girlfriends. He did text me back and I invited him but he said he felt like staying home. Later that night he invited me over so I went over to his house for a little while. We watched some TV and kissed for a bit. I didn’t stay too long since I had to work the next day.
On Monday I text Nate to see how his day was going. He was having a bad day. I didn’t hear from him after that which I thought was odd since usually we text back and forth all day. I didn’t hear from him that night, or the next day. Finally on Thursday, I decided to text him. I just text that I hoped his week was better and it was almost the weekend. He never text me back.
I understand not every guy I go out with is going to be interested in me. I don’t understand not having the courtesy to let me know. A few days ago he was telling me how much he liked me then nothing. How does that change in two days? How hard is it to send a text? “I’m sorry I’m not interested.” Simple, direct, to the point.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Happy Medium
I met Juan Carlos online. He had messaged me saying how pretty he thought I was. We emailed back and forth for awhile and he asked for my number. We text and then talked on the phone. He seemed like a cool guy and had a sexy accent. He was from Peru and spoke Spanish. After about a week or so he asked me on a date.
We met at McCoy’s in Westport. In his online profile he said he was 6’1”. He was probably about 5’9”. I don’t get why guys lie about this. When I met a guy I’m going to notice that if he’s shorter than me. That was strike one. He seemed nice enough. My friends Lora and Brian were in Westport too so they met up with us. Juan Carlos mentioned to Brian that he was going outside to smoke. Brian passed the information along to me since he knows I don’t like dating smokers. Juan Carlos said he wouldn’t smoke if I didn’t want him to. I told him he could do whatever he wanted. This was strike two. The rest of the night went along fine. He did mention he had trouble understanding Lora. He said she talked too fast.
When we were leaving Juan Carlos asked me to go to a movie the next day. I told him I was busy and had volleyball. He wanted to come watch me play volleyball. I explained I thought it was too soon for that. He then asked if I wanted to go out Monday night and then Tuesday night. I told him I wasn’t sure yet. He called me the next day but I didn’t answer. I felt he came on too strong. He text me the next day and I text him back letting him know I wasn’t interested.
Where’s the happy medium? They either come on too strong or show interest but then fall off the face of the earth.
We met at McCoy’s in Westport. In his online profile he said he was 6’1”. He was probably about 5’9”. I don’t get why guys lie about this. When I met a guy I’m going to notice that if he’s shorter than me. That was strike one. He seemed nice enough. My friends Lora and Brian were in Westport too so they met up with us. Juan Carlos mentioned to Brian that he was going outside to smoke. Brian passed the information along to me since he knows I don’t like dating smokers. Juan Carlos said he wouldn’t smoke if I didn’t want him to. I told him he could do whatever he wanted. This was strike two. The rest of the night went along fine. He did mention he had trouble understanding Lora. He said she talked too fast.
When we were leaving Juan Carlos asked me to go to a movie the next day. I told him I was busy and had volleyball. He wanted to come watch me play volleyball. I explained I thought it was too soon for that. He then asked if I wanted to go out Monday night and then Tuesday night. I told him I wasn’t sure yet. He called me the next day but I didn’t answer. I felt he came on too strong. He text me the next day and I text him back letting him know I wasn’t interested.
Where’s the happy medium? They either come on too strong or show interest but then fall off the face of the earth.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Update to Second chance
After I posted my last blog about Will I got several texts from him. I knew we were friends on Facebook but I didn’t really think he checked it that often so I didn’t think he would read it. Clearly, he did.
His texts basically said he still cared about me a lot and was stressing about job, money, etc. He did apologize about canceling on me. He also said he had said that we weren’t going to date just see how things went. When we went out in Lawrence his words were “I want to get back together”. What was I supposed to think about that? I thought he meant he wanted to get back together since that’s what he said.
He felt the need to defend himself. Which is fine. The point of my blog is to express my feelings and the situations I have been in while dating. I didn’t say anything bad about him. I stated what happened and how I felt about it.
His excuse was the same as it was when we dated two years ago. Nothing has changed with him. I have since deleted him from Facebook and have moved on.
His texts basically said he still cared about me a lot and was stressing about job, money, etc. He did apologize about canceling on me. He also said he had said that we weren’t going to date just see how things went. When we went out in Lawrence his words were “I want to get back together”. What was I supposed to think about that? I thought he meant he wanted to get back together since that’s what he said.
He felt the need to defend himself. Which is fine. The point of my blog is to express my feelings and the situations I have been in while dating. I didn’t say anything bad about him. I stated what happened and how I felt about it.
His excuse was the same as it was when we dated two years ago. Nothing has changed with him. I have since deleted him from Facebook and have moved on.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Second Chance
I’ve known Will since I was 18 and first moved to Lawrence. We had many mutual friends and hung out at parties. We kept in contact on and off through the years.
When I first moved back to KS after living in FL, I had a Happy Hour in Lawrence and Will attended. He confessed that he liked me all these years. Our first date was the day after my birthday. He brought me daisies (my favorite flower) and Boulevard Wheat (my favorite beer). He took me to Teller’s for dinner. We quickly became “official” boyfriend and girlfriend.
Our relationship progressed and we even talked about moving in together. We had only been dating a short time but had almost 10 years of history so we knew each other very well. During that time I lived with my parents while my sister, Ryann, and I looked for an apartment in KC. I always went to Lawrence to see Will.
Ryann and I moved to our new apartment and that’s when things started to go downhill. He always wanted me to make the drive to Lawrence and rarely made the drive to KC. I felt that he didn’t make me a priority. I asked him to talk about what was wrong and he wouldn’t discuss it with me so eventually I broke things off.
Fast forward two years later. Will was one of my matches on match.com. I decided to email him to say hi. I had heard from Will several times over the past two years but rarely responded to his texts. I’m not quite sure why I decided to contact him. On paper he met all my criteria.
I heard back from him and we made a plan to meet for a beer at Louise’s downtown, one of my favorite Lawrence bars. After catching up and talking awhile he said he wanted to get back together. He said he realized what a big mistake he made in the past. I wasn’t really sure how to react to this. I hadn’t thought of getting back together. I told him we could try dating and see how things went.
He text me the next day and said what a great time he had. After that I didn’t hear from him for several days. I thought if he really wanted to get back together he would be trying a little harder. He called about a week later and said he was going to be in KC and would love to take me to dinner. I was looking forward to it. The next day I get a text that he wouldn’t be able to make it. I didn’t even respond to his text. I was upset and hurt. This showed me that he wasn’t ready to make any changes and it would be the same thing as before.
My sister tells me that people don’t change. I understand what she is saying and to some extend I agree but I also think people can learn and grow from past mistakes and experiences. I would rather give things another try then wonder how things may have been. Now I know.
When I first moved back to KS after living in FL, I had a Happy Hour in Lawrence and Will attended. He confessed that he liked me all these years. Our first date was the day after my birthday. He brought me daisies (my favorite flower) and Boulevard Wheat (my favorite beer). He took me to Teller’s for dinner. We quickly became “official” boyfriend and girlfriend.
Our relationship progressed and we even talked about moving in together. We had only been dating a short time but had almost 10 years of history so we knew each other very well. During that time I lived with my parents while my sister, Ryann, and I looked for an apartment in KC. I always went to Lawrence to see Will.
Ryann and I moved to our new apartment and that’s when things started to go downhill. He always wanted me to make the drive to Lawrence and rarely made the drive to KC. I felt that he didn’t make me a priority. I asked him to talk about what was wrong and he wouldn’t discuss it with me so eventually I broke things off.
Fast forward two years later. Will was one of my matches on match.com. I decided to email him to say hi. I had heard from Will several times over the past two years but rarely responded to his texts. I’m not quite sure why I decided to contact him. On paper he met all my criteria.
I heard back from him and we made a plan to meet for a beer at Louise’s downtown, one of my favorite Lawrence bars. After catching up and talking awhile he said he wanted to get back together. He said he realized what a big mistake he made in the past. I wasn’t really sure how to react to this. I hadn’t thought of getting back together. I told him we could try dating and see how things went.
He text me the next day and said what a great time he had. After that I didn’t hear from him for several days. I thought if he really wanted to get back together he would be trying a little harder. He called about a week later and said he was going to be in KC and would love to take me to dinner. I was looking forward to it. The next day I get a text that he wouldn’t be able to make it. I didn’t even respond to his text. I was upset and hurt. This showed me that he wasn’t ready to make any changes and it would be the same thing as before.
My sister tells me that people don’t change. I understand what she is saying and to some extend I agree but I also think people can learn and grow from past mistakes and experiences. I would rather give things another try then wonder how things may have been. Now I know.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Awkward
Steven sent me an email on match.com. We exchanged emails back and forth for about two weeks. Finally, I suggested getting together. I gave him my phone number and he called that night. Our phone conversation was very short and it seemed like he was in a hurry to get off the phone. He really wanted to go a movie, which I thought was an odd first date choice but he mentioned it several times so I agreed. We were going to do dinner after the movie. I was starting to have doubts but had already agreed to the date and felt bad canceling.
I met him at the theater and he didn’t quite look like his pictures. They were definitely from several years ago. We chatted before the movie a bit. Steven was very awkward and shy. I tried to keep the conversation flowing, hoping something would bring him out of his shell. Finally, the movie started and the painful conversation was over.
After the movie he still wanted to go to dinner. I couldn’t bare the thought of sitting with him for another hour, awkwardly trying to have more conversation. I told him my friend had called during the movie and had an emergency so I had to leave.
I feel so bad for doing this and have never done this on a date. I should have just been honest and told him I wasn’t feeling any chemistry. I really probably shouldn’t have even gone on the date to begin with. I wasn’t feeling it but was trying to give him a chance and be more open minded. I feel like there’s a fine line between being too picky and not picky enough and I struggle with that line.
I met him at the theater and he didn’t quite look like his pictures. They were definitely from several years ago. We chatted before the movie a bit. Steven was very awkward and shy. I tried to keep the conversation flowing, hoping something would bring him out of his shell. Finally, the movie started and the painful conversation was over.
After the movie he still wanted to go to dinner. I couldn’t bare the thought of sitting with him for another hour, awkwardly trying to have more conversation. I told him my friend had called during the movie and had an emergency so I had to leave.
I feel so bad for doing this and have never done this on a date. I should have just been honest and told him I wasn’t feeling any chemistry. I really probably shouldn’t have even gone on the date to begin with. I wasn’t feeling it but was trying to give him a chance and be more open minded. I feel like there’s a fine line between being too picky and not picky enough and I struggle with that line.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Friend train
I met Kevin online. He sent me a nice message and I replied. We emailed, text back and forth, and scheduled a phone date. I called him and we spend time getting to know one another. Kevin was very up front about being recently divorced. He also has two young daughters. I asked if he was ready to be dating so soon. He assured me he was.
The next day we email back and forth. We make a date for that night to meet for beers. Kevin is cute, sweet, funny, and charming. We have lots to talk about and only a few awkward silences. Kevin walks me to my car and I can tell he’s not sure if he should kiss me. Since he’s new to the dating scene I give him a tip, “If a girl is lingering outside her car or door she wants a kiss.” So he kisses me.
The following day he emails me and says he had a good time. He has a great idea for a weekend date. He has a Harley so he suggests we take a ride to a little town in Missouri for lunch and swimming. I agree. We email back and forth all day. Kevin plays volleyball also and his team needs a sub. So I play with his team on Wed. night. Wed. nights I frequent Jerry’s Bait Shop and I invited Kevin. After volleyball we head over there. We have a good time, he meets some of my friends, and they like him. When we leave Kevin walks me to my car. It is starting to rain so he says I should just invite him over. I agree but tell him only for a little while and not to get any funny ideas. He comes over and we make out for a bit. I am really digging Kevin and I think the feeling is mutual.
Sunday morning I head to his house for our all day date. I’m nervous about spending so much time with someone I just met but also excited. Kevin decided we should take the car because it was so hot out and the drive takes about an hour and a half. The car ride down there is good. We have plenty to talk about and the conversation just flows. We have lunch and then head to the lake for some swimming. We head back after awhile. We talk in the car and there are some silences but we had already been together for several hours.
We get back to Kevin’s and just hang out for a bit. I don’t stay long because we have volleyball that evening. I get to volleyball and Kevin meets us there. He seems a little distance. I’m not quite sure why. Is it because we’ve just spent 8 hours together? Is it because he’s around new people? Is it because he doesn’t like me?
Over the next couple of weeks we email occasionally. I sub on his volleyball team and he subs on mine. Kevin doesn’t ask me on any dates. I feel like things are awkward with Kevin so I bring up the just friends talk. I tell him I am OK with being just friends and I understand if he is not ready for a relationship.
A few days later Kevin sends me an email again explaining that he wants to be just friends. I thought we already had this conversation but we had been very playful and flirty with each other and Kevin thought he was leading me on. I again told Kevin I was 100% fine with being just friends.
I truly am. Normally, I’m not a fan of being friends with someone I’ve went on a few dates with. In this case though I think Kevin is a great guy and I’m really glad I made a new friend.
The term “friend train” was coined by my friend Lora and perfectly describes this situation. Here is the definition in her words.
Friend train - Terminology originated at the Sushi Train at Sakura. When one party does not feel romantically attracted to the other while the opposite party is usually still interested. This can be just "phasing out" someone by not calling or just a verbal "I think we are just too different" or "we would not make pretty kids" or "I don't think I'm ready to date someone who still lives in their parent's basement." Some people don't even hear the train coming. Others have said it was painless. Sometimes it does work out that you stay in contact with these people as friends but most go in the recycle bin. If a friend doesn't think the person you’re dating is going to make it then they might shout out a "choo choo" to warn you that they see it coming. "Friend train victims" may be recycled though if you think they might be a better fit for one of your other single friends. Some of my friend trains have become BFF's.
The next day we email back and forth. We make a date for that night to meet for beers. Kevin is cute, sweet, funny, and charming. We have lots to talk about and only a few awkward silences. Kevin walks me to my car and I can tell he’s not sure if he should kiss me. Since he’s new to the dating scene I give him a tip, “If a girl is lingering outside her car or door she wants a kiss.” So he kisses me.
The following day he emails me and says he had a good time. He has a great idea for a weekend date. He has a Harley so he suggests we take a ride to a little town in Missouri for lunch and swimming. I agree. We email back and forth all day. Kevin plays volleyball also and his team needs a sub. So I play with his team on Wed. night. Wed. nights I frequent Jerry’s Bait Shop and I invited Kevin. After volleyball we head over there. We have a good time, he meets some of my friends, and they like him. When we leave Kevin walks me to my car. It is starting to rain so he says I should just invite him over. I agree but tell him only for a little while and not to get any funny ideas. He comes over and we make out for a bit. I am really digging Kevin and I think the feeling is mutual.
Sunday morning I head to his house for our all day date. I’m nervous about spending so much time with someone I just met but also excited. Kevin decided we should take the car because it was so hot out and the drive takes about an hour and a half. The car ride down there is good. We have plenty to talk about and the conversation just flows. We have lunch and then head to the lake for some swimming. We head back after awhile. We talk in the car and there are some silences but we had already been together for several hours.
We get back to Kevin’s and just hang out for a bit. I don’t stay long because we have volleyball that evening. I get to volleyball and Kevin meets us there. He seems a little distance. I’m not quite sure why. Is it because we’ve just spent 8 hours together? Is it because he’s around new people? Is it because he doesn’t like me?
Over the next couple of weeks we email occasionally. I sub on his volleyball team and he subs on mine. Kevin doesn’t ask me on any dates. I feel like things are awkward with Kevin so I bring up the just friends talk. I tell him I am OK with being just friends and I understand if he is not ready for a relationship.
A few days later Kevin sends me an email again explaining that he wants to be just friends. I thought we already had this conversation but we had been very playful and flirty with each other and Kevin thought he was leading me on. I again told Kevin I was 100% fine with being just friends.
I truly am. Normally, I’m not a fan of being friends with someone I’ve went on a few dates with. In this case though I think Kevin is a great guy and I’m really glad I made a new friend.
The term “friend train” was coined by my friend Lora and perfectly describes this situation. Here is the definition in her words.
Friend train - Terminology originated at the Sushi Train at Sakura. When one party does not feel romantically attracted to the other while the opposite party is usually still interested. This can be just "phasing out" someone by not calling or just a verbal "I think we are just too different" or "we would not make pretty kids" or "I don't think I'm ready to date someone who still lives in their parent's basement." Some people don't even hear the train coming. Others have said it was painless. Sometimes it does work out that you stay in contact with these people as friends but most go in the recycle bin. If a friend doesn't think the person you’re dating is going to make it then they might shout out a "choo choo" to warn you that they see it coming. "Friend train victims" may be recycled though if you think they might be a better fit for one of your other single friends. Some of my friend trains have become BFF's.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Married
I met Shane at work. He instant messages me, we chat back and forth. Shane was super sweet and gives me tons of compliments. I give him my phone number.
One night I’m out with my girlfriends and he is texting me. He’s again being sweet and charming. He was driving to his hometown for the weekend. I tell him I want to talk to him. He says he can’t talk because his son is sleeping in the back seat. He never mentioned a son. He then tells me he has two sons. I’m very surprised because he hasn’t mentioned this in the few days we’ve been talking.
The next day Shane calls me and explains he has two sons from two different women. Two baby mamas, sounds like drama. Despite this, I like him. We text on and off during that weekend and make a date for Monday night.
Monday he comes to pick me up and we go to dinner. Shane is being so sweet and tells me I look great. He then drops another bomb. He tells me he’s separated but actually still married. He gives the spiel about being unhappy and all that jazz. I’m in a bit of shock over this and am not really sure what to say. We get back to my house and I let Shane come up for a bit. He explains his situation is complicated. He says he really likes me and would like to give things a try with us. Against better judgment, I agree to give him a chance. He kisses me good night and leaves.
That week at work we instant message back and forth. I’m still concerned about him being “separated”. He assures me things are over with her. I agree to another date. Our date is fun but it feels weird. During our discussion at dinner he tells me that he still lives with his wife but they have separate bedrooms. This is starting to sound like a soap opera.
After dinner he takes me home and I tell Shane I can’t see him anymore. He’s very upset and doesn’t understand. He asks me if I’m dating anyone else. When I tell him yes, I’m dating he gets upset. He thought we were exclusive because we kissed. What?!?! He’s married and still lives with his wife. How can we be in an exclusive relationship?
If we didn’t work together I would have just told him I couldn’t see him and kicked him out but since we do I tell him we can be friends but nothing beyond that. He says this will be too hard for him because he cares about me too much. Ummm, ok. We’ve know each other for two weeks and been on two dates. Finally, he leaves. I’m dreading the awkwardness at work.
Luckily, I manage not to run into him over the next few days. One day he instant messages me to tell me he found a new job and put in his two week notice. Over the next two weeks I avoid him as much as possible. He asks if we can be friends after he doesn’t work there anymore. I tell him I don’t think that is a good idea and he doesn’t talk to me after that. His last day comes and that was the end of that.
One night I’m out with my girlfriends and he is texting me. He’s again being sweet and charming. He was driving to his hometown for the weekend. I tell him I want to talk to him. He says he can’t talk because his son is sleeping in the back seat. He never mentioned a son. He then tells me he has two sons. I’m very surprised because he hasn’t mentioned this in the few days we’ve been talking.
The next day Shane calls me and explains he has two sons from two different women. Two baby mamas, sounds like drama. Despite this, I like him. We text on and off during that weekend and make a date for Monday night.
Monday he comes to pick me up and we go to dinner. Shane is being so sweet and tells me I look great. He then drops another bomb. He tells me he’s separated but actually still married. He gives the spiel about being unhappy and all that jazz. I’m in a bit of shock over this and am not really sure what to say. We get back to my house and I let Shane come up for a bit. He explains his situation is complicated. He says he really likes me and would like to give things a try with us. Against better judgment, I agree to give him a chance. He kisses me good night and leaves.
That week at work we instant message back and forth. I’m still concerned about him being “separated”. He assures me things are over with her. I agree to another date. Our date is fun but it feels weird. During our discussion at dinner he tells me that he still lives with his wife but they have separate bedrooms. This is starting to sound like a soap opera.
After dinner he takes me home and I tell Shane I can’t see him anymore. He’s very upset and doesn’t understand. He asks me if I’m dating anyone else. When I tell him yes, I’m dating he gets upset. He thought we were exclusive because we kissed. What?!?! He’s married and still lives with his wife. How can we be in an exclusive relationship?
If we didn’t work together I would have just told him I couldn’t see him and kicked him out but since we do I tell him we can be friends but nothing beyond that. He says this will be too hard for him because he cares about me too much. Ummm, ok. We’ve know each other for two weeks and been on two dates. Finally, he leaves. I’m dreading the awkwardness at work.
Luckily, I manage not to run into him over the next few days. One day he instant messages me to tell me he found a new job and put in his two week notice. Over the next two weeks I avoid him as much as possible. He asks if we can be friends after he doesn’t work there anymore. I tell him I don’t think that is a good idea and he doesn’t talk to me after that. His last day comes and that was the end of that.
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